Jose died the way he lived,
Eating the excrement of a creature way more advanced and sophisticated than he could ever be,
And ending to his pathetic life that he’d always feared
But at the same time knew was inevitable

Before he passed he had dreams
To travel
To evolve
To get out of the damp and stench filled gutter in which generations of his kind had spent their miserable lives
To explore the world
To travel to somewhere warm
Somewhere dry
To bathe in the crystal-clear turquoise seas of the Mediterranean surrounded by beautifully exotic fish and pearly white sands
But sodium chloride meant that his dreams would never be fulfilled

It was his high school headmistress who had shattered his dreams many years earlier
Mrs Margo didn’t do it intentionally
She was simply giving “the talk” about safety that she was contractually obliged to give to all of the juveniles who were about to begin exploring the world for themselves
A world full of dangers for those with no exo-skeleton living so close to the ground.

But Jose didn’t give up
Day and night he thought as hard as he could to solve the problem that had extinguished the hope of many of his kind since the dawn of time
If only he could invent the greatest invention

He’d invented things before
At the age of 3 months he worked out that if he attached small sponges to his sticky underbelly he could traverse egg shells with no problem and easily eat the luscious and succulent green leaves they were designed to protect.

He had just turned 1 when he invented the automated avian alert system
A combination of mirror shards, string and a tiny gong made from a discarded tin can that saved the lives of many of his friends and family.

But now, at the age of 3 and ¾ he knew had done it.
His big achievement.
His life’s work
A device that would finally allow him to bathe in the cool, clear ocean.
A device so simple it somewhat irritated him that he hadn’t come up with it sooner.

Jose was 5 by the time it was ready
There had been much testing and many setbacks on the way
An early prototype had caused accidental suffocation that resulted in the loss of a rhinophore.
The late nights at the drawing board had cost him his marriage
But on the 23rd June 1973 it was ready.

Jose couldn’t sleep the night before
He tossed and turned, enveloped in dreams that veered from the terrifying to the joyful
In one moment he was sinking to the bottom of the ocean, enveloped in a transparent coffin of polythene towards the mouth of a beady eyed, hungry grouper.
And in the next he was floating, the cool waters lapping over him, the warm sun bringing a sense of fulfilment he never thought he would experience.

He woke early that morning.
An hour before the clear dark night would yield to the glorious sunrise that would herald the greatest day in his life.
He was restless though
A mixture of excitement and adrenaline pulsing through every sinew of his long, leathery body

He decided to venture outside to calm himself
To breathe deeply the cool of the dawn air
And it was then he saw it
Out of the corner of his eye
A juicy, succulent pile
Steam gently rising from its surface indicating that this was a recent canine evacuation
The most delicious type
This was a sign he thought to himself
A sign that this was HIS day

He slowly slithered towards his unexpected breakfast
The unmistakable odour massaging his senses and making him drool in an all too pavlovian way

Jose had only taken two mouthfuls when the giant foot from the sky appeared from nowhere
Plunging down at such a sudden rate and with such immense force that he felt no pain
He was simply no more
A mess of guts and entrails almost indistinguishable from the remains of his last meal

I like to think that his final thought was of his invention
I like to think that as his friends and family arrived to eat his remains, he was in a better place
Somewhere warm, somewhere dry
Bathing in a crystal-clear turquoise sea
surrounded by beautifully exotic fish and pearly white sands
Immune for every more from the effects of sodium chloride.